Absolute Sincerity: Shiva Sutra 3.14, Part One
3.14: “yathā tatra tathānyatra // This [absolute independence] is the same in the external world as it was in samādhi.”
'Shiva on the inside, Shiva on the outside', this Sutra explores the yearning we all have to make our external lives feel as free and spiritual as our life on the cushion. As you might expect, when all is said and done, it is only through effort over time that that we can rise to such great heights. But today we will take a close look at this special kind of effort, described as "un-artifical" or as a 'wish to grow', and discover how take this wish off the cushion and into your life.
"That reality of the self, where unartificial universal independence will shine, should be sought with great reverence. (Spanda Kārikā 1.7)”
In my sadhana, I first encountered the idea of “unartificial” effort through Rudi’s ‘Wish to Grow’ practice. I was taught this practice during an evening temple program while living at Shoshoni, and was so intrigued by it that I went to the Ma Shrine afterwards to try it some more. In this practice, Rudi tells us to repeat the phrase “I deeply wish to grow” out loud, and to listen for the artificial quality in our voice. Rudi tells us that the first 100 times, or 1,000 times, we say "I deeply wish to grow," we don’t actually mean it. In fact, it’s assumed that we must say it again and again, again and again-- each time reaching for more sincerity. This is the only path to unartificial effort-- we can't get there by deciding to be less artificial, or by learning about it, we can only find it by burning up the artificiality itself.
This was a revelation for me as it empowered me with a clear path to growth. I may not know how to say "I deeply wish to grow" with unartifical effort, but I definitely know how to say it more sincerely than the last repetition. I may not be able to jump to the mountain top, but I know how to take a step. So instead of being intimidated by the 10,000 times Rudi said it would take for me to actually ‘mean it’, I felt relieved that I had a path that was only 10,000 steps long. By most standards, 10,000 steps is simply a good days walk. So if I can take 10,000 steps in a day I can surely repeat ‘I deeply wish to grow’ just as many times for an even greater reward!
Because as Swami Lakshmanjoo states in the footnotes to this Sutra, it is only through practice, actually walking the path, that we can find an un-artificial level in our practice. “Unartificial (akṛitrim) means that it is not imaginary. Some yogīs possess imaginary independence, which is artificial. These yogīs permeate their thinking with thoughts such as “I am independent” or “I am Śiva.” To possess unartificial independence, they must actually be independent, they must be Śiva, not just imagine they are.” (Footnote 17 to sutra 3.14)
This kind of effort is extremely rare, as Lakshmanjoo previously told us in Sutra 2.2, "un-artificial effort...must be absolutely natural [yet] filled with intense desire and fervent longing, and originating from the center of your heart.” If you step back and reflect on a time in your life when you may have felt this, you know how special it is. Maybe you did medicine buddha practice for a loved one with this kind of sincere effort, or you surrendered something so deeply and instantly felt the change within yourself. We don't have to wait for our lives to dramatic to find this level of effort, we can practice with this level of sincerity everyday. And, according to the Sutra, this is the key to making your life a spiritual experience.
So reflect for a moment on your experience of sincerity in your practice. How do you reach for it, how do you make it real? And what is your experience of it?
Sangha Reflection on the Sutra:
Sevananda, Chicago: “I’ve got to say that they wish to grow practice is my favorite practice, and has been since I went to the Konalani in 2010 for my yoga teacher training. Satyam had all of us on two sides of the room, reaching for each other as much as we could while saying “I deeply wish to grow“— I could feel that there was always the possibility of reaching 1 centimeter more to make contact. Then we did the 'wish to grow' silently in meditation to bring this experience inside. Now every time I reach out in the yoga class I silently say “I deeply wish to grow”-- I know that’s not exactly what we’re discussing right now, but it’s because it’s tied to such a beautiful moment that my heart opens so much whenever I say it. When I watched the recording of the Studhi Buddhi class at home this week, something interesting occurred. When we started doing the wish to grow practice out loud it was working, but when we did it silently something magic happened. I finally felt the energy of “I deeply wish to grow“ and that is what got me to the next level. I am an overachiever, Sometimes I feel like I’m not connecting enough, but I found that it was the “will“ of the wish to grow that saved me, just being “willing to grow“ feeling myself reach that extra centimeter.”
Annapoorna, Chicago: “I had this realization that sometimes when I practice I am only putting on the costume of my practice, and that my practice is not always real— at these times I ask myself “how do I make this real?” I was excited to find out that this was the topic of this week's Studhi Buddhi! The wish to grow practice is obviously amazing, but it often gets filled with doership for me. I remember a few weeks ago when Ture said how merging with shiva meant “just being with the kale“— the simplicity of what she said kept echoing in my mind, the simplicity of it, as well as how little I actually do that. And I found as a try to be really simple and just “be with my kids“ for example, it’s so much more fun and they can really tell the difference. It’s challenging to drop the to do list, we have a lot going on in our life right now, but when I do it’s just so much better.”
Dharma, Chicago: “I usually attend Studhi Buddhi class online, but this week I got all turned around with my schedule, and Henry had a long arduous bedtime, and when I came downstairs I realized “I missed class!“ And I was really upset. I really wanted to be there, I felt a deep longing, but the class was almost over by that time, so I just sat down and started meditating to at least connect with where I was at. My mind was really active because I was upset, and I could feel this fervent longing inside, and I started doing the wish to grow practice and things started to shift— and I’m getting worked up right now just thinking about it, because it was a real breakthrough moment for me. The next morning I immediately checked out the podcast and wouldn’t you know that the exact topic of the class, the class that I was so upset to have missed, that this class was about the very practice that helped me surrender being upset that I missed class! I for me, the wish to grow, with the longing and desire in my heart that I felt in that moment I missing class, was so real! I took a breath in and felt this wish to grow in my heart, and I could hold onto it in that moment. So it was a really special moment for me, a really special class.”
Tashi, Shoshoni Ashram: “When I am working really hard physically and spiritually at the same time to focus and stay present, it takes a lot. It feels like being at the end of a marathon, saying to yourself “one more step, one more step, you’re not gonna fall over now!” That moment for me is very valuable, that state of being at the crux of the climb at the crux of the hike, that’s when I grow the most. That is where my wish to grow is most valuable, when everything is at the height of intensity. Because at that point I can see through my tendency to point the finger and say “it’s their fault“ and instead take responsibility for my state of being.”
Jatila, Eldorado Ashram: "When it comes to getting beyond the artificial layer of my practice I find that most times it’s my mind that gets in the way-- it’s hard to get out of that willful pitta state. But being in camp, and being around the kids, it works me in a different way. And when I work really hard, like Tashi said in the last Marco Polo, I get to that point where I've got nothing left and that’s when I draw on my practice, and the resistance just crumbles. I’ve been feeling my connection to the heart more naturally, without the doership that usually takes over. It seems that through hard work and service, the outer layer of tension crumbles and you’re left with your raw self, the heart of your practice."
Anju, Canada: "This class really opened my heart in a new way, it helped me see the mind as a vehicle that can take me inside. That’s what this philosophy program has been able to do for me. The mind doesn’t have to be the obstacle, it can be used well, and that may even be what the mind wants. This class has helped me reconsider my relationship with the my mind, to see my mind through the lends of my heart. I felt a really deep opening after class and was able to carry that through the evening, and into my practice the next morning. I just feel so grateful and wanted to share that with you all."
Devananda, Shoshoni Ashram: "I really love this Sutra’s message of 'finding Shiva within and without'. I’m reminded of reaching for Shiva, that feeling of calm, in the midst of a busy day, or maybe you’d say reaching for the quiet in the midst of what might seem chaotic, that peaceful moment in the eye of activity. Ahh— there’s the Shiva Consciousness."
Tara, Pennsylvania: "I am so deeply grateful for these classes and what we’re all sharing here. I’ve been enjoying working towards this sincere wish to grow both on and off the cushion. On the cushion I see that i have the choice of looking at my practice as a checklist, or instead drawing the practice deeply into every cell of my being. In my daily life, I see that I have the choice too of hanging on to my small self narratives and dramas, or instead digging deep and going into my heart to experience and respond to the moment in a much deeper and profound way."